Office Romance. The Dos and Don'ts of it

He regularly sees his beautiful co-worker at the canteen. In fact he has been going there regularly to increase his chances of seeing her. She occasionally sees him at meetings and tries not to stare. They both knew there is a spark between them, but they have been trying to act professionally and ignore it. They both definitely want to have an affair but wouldn’t that have an effect on their career.

 Most of us have heard the warning: “Don’t date anyone you work with.” If you’ve been in the workplace for a while you have likely been in an office romance, had someone that worked for you get into one or watched a co-worker been destroyed by one.

 Before you start an office romance, ask yourself if it is really worth it. Is this person you are attracted to worth damaging your reputation or possibly losing your job for? Or if you both will nourish the relationship and make it lead to marriage. In this write-up we explore the rules for having an office relationship, the risks involved and advantages of office relationships.

Here are 7 rules for office romance:

1. All workers are equal There is little an employer can do about a budding relationship. But, as an employee, make sure you treat everyone equally. Just because the new love of your life is sitting five yards away, doesn't mean they're always right about work-related decisions. Leave your private life at home, and maintain a sense of professionalism at work.

2.       Don't date your boss or subordinate. Because of the power imbalance built into the relationship, the risks of things going wrong are high. More than that, it can impact on your wider professional standing. Your boss/partner may scrupulously avoid showing you preferential treatment – but subconsciously he or she will want you to do well, and that is bound to fog up their judgment.

3.       Not in the kitchen.  Please PDAs (also known as public displays of affection) are a no-no in the office. No one wants to walk into the kitchen to find you two squeezed up against the microwave while your lunch goes nuclear. Also, never use emotional language – a relationship is private. If you start an argument or row based on something that has happened outside the office, it can have a catastrophic effect on staff morale and therefore the company's bottom line.

4.       Do enter a relationship for career reasons. We're not suggesting you're the sort to sleep your way to the top – or even sleep your way into a corner office and plumb parking space. Still, there are people who may have that very goal in mind. If you suspect an ulterior motive, stay clear – the transnational nature of the dynamic between the two of you will cause problems later on.

5.       Go in to it with your eyes open. The relationship may work out. Or it might go terribly wrong – be aware of this and plan for the worst-case scenario. Sit down and have a serious conversation, so that, should the worst come to pass, you can both conduct yourself like grown-ups.

6.       Stay strum. Actually, when you think about it, there's no need to advertise your relationship at all. In a big organization, colleagues have no cause to know about your personal life – so why tell them? Inevitably you will want to share your happy news with one or two co-workers, but choose wisely.       
  7.       Is there a policy on workplace relationships? Some companies frown on intra-office love; others could not give a hoot. Such policies may be informal rather than explicit: ask around and make sure you understand what the situation is. There is no reason why dusty regulations should stop you finding love. All the same, you're better off knowing.

Here are some risk/disadvantages of office romance:

1.      Leaves a bitter taste. The worst thing about an office romance is that while they are easy to get into, they are equally hard to get out of. When a workplace relationship goes wrong, both partners are faced with a difficult situation.
While professional ethics demand that you continue to respect your co-worker and work as a team, the conflict in your personal relationship makes it exceedingly impossible to be around your ex, much less deliver your best professionally. Despite your attempts at maintaining a professional relationship with your ex, if you find that he or she continues to rake up personal issues at the workplace.

2.      Everyone will find out.  How will your coworkers feel when they find out you are dating a colleague or even the boss? Even when you try to keep an office romance quiet, it doesn’t stay quiet. People like to talk to their coworkers and friends about their love lives, so if she lets it slip that she is dating someone in the office, or if he casually mentions he is interested in a woman on his team, the rumors will be brewing. Once a romance begins, you can’t act on impulse because public displays of affection at work make everyone very uncomfortable. Getting caught kissing in the office is a quick way to lose the respect of your coworkers. Or worse yet, lose respect of management.

3.       Competition. Do you want to compete with your new love for the big promotion? It is natural for men and necessary for women to compete at work, but do you want to compete in your romance? How will you feel if your new love gets promoted and you don’t? Will you feel like celebrating after work? It is very hard to turn off the competitive drive at the end of the work day. Healthy relationships are based on love and respect, not competition. He should treat her with care and respect and she should respond to him with appreciation and receptivity – not competition

4.      Damage to your reputation. A potential office romance will always fuel the rumor mill. Remember, in an office setting, perception is reality. Even if you aren’t sleeping together, subtle flirting at work will be enough to start the rumors. There also could be the claims of favoritism. If you get a promotion, your colleagues may think it is because you are sleeping with the boss, and you will lose their respect. In a healthy romantic relationship, you should be able share all your personal and professional successes with your coworkers and your new love interest. Your personal life should enhance your happiness, not negatively affect your career.

5.      Arguments happen. Relationships are hard and sometimes there will be arguments. If you work with your partner it will cause increased tension at work – especially if one partner’s position is superior to the other, or if you are working on the same team. If you are dating your boss and you have a personal argument, will you be able to treat them with respect at the office (even if you think they are being a jerk at home)? Not seeing each other during the day helps distract couples from their personal arguments and relieves some tension so they can communicate better when they get together at the end of the day.

6.      Lose Your Job. After an ugly break up, if the situation gets too uncomfortable, are you willing to leave your job? Or if confrontations happen on a regular basis, you may be asked to leave your job. Is your office romance worth looking for another job? When dating someone outside the office you won’t have to leave your job unless your new love makes enough money to support you both. That’s the best reason to leave a job.

And here are some advantages why romantic relationships happen in the workplace despite all the risk involved:

1.      Convenience. Co-workers see each other for the greater part of the day and relate more with each other than when they have other relationships outside the work place. There is nothing easier than having your lover just some few feet away or in the same building and also knowing that he/she is fine.

2.      Excitement. An affair with our colleague can add excitement to your life as you wouldn’t get bored easily in the office. You always look forward to be at work and share some time and office gossip with each other.

3.      Ambition. Having affairs with someone of like mind in the office can help the partner to grow and achieve their dreams. They can easily encourage each other in ways to better their careers in their work place, provided both of them are not competing for the same job post.

4.      Bonding. They can be each other’s confidant at work and if either of them is having a hard time at work, they can support each other as only co-workers understands what is going on within the company more than an outsider.

5.      Permanency. Most times office romance had lead to both partners getting married and the couples happy because they already know each other’s habits, dos and don’ts.

An office love affair can actually work out wonderfully, if you are aware of the risks and can handle yourself professionally while on the job. People are spending so much time at work that they don’t have time to look for romance outside of the office. So before you start an office romance, ask yourself if it’s worth the risk and also ask yourself what is it you really want from this kind of relationship?