According to Wikipedia, fear of intimacy is generally a
social phobia and anxiety disorder resulting in difficulty forming close
relationships with another person. The term can also refer to a scale on a psychometric
test, or a type of adult in attachment theory psychology. The fear of intimacy
is the fear of being emotionally and/or physically close to another individual.
This fear is also defined as “the inhibited capacity of an individual, because
of anxiety, to exchange thought and feelings of personal significance with
another individual who is highly valued”.
Why do some people fear intimacy? And
how to overcome it
Been heartbroken
If you had had your heart broken once or twice too many, you
might have a good reason to fear intimacy. If you feel comfortable with
intimacy and have been hurt before by a partner in the past, you might be
consciously or unconsciously be protecting yourself by avoiding intimacy from someone
new.
Different people have different ways of healing from a
broken heart. Some might just need time to grieve; others might need therapy,
while others might need medications. Whatever the situation and you find
yourself feeling and thinking “no one
loves me” to “I don’t trust anyone”, You can build resiliency to heartbreak by
developing beliefs that help you focus on the abundance of love that’s possible
for you.
Fear of rejection
Most people do take rejection well. Fear of rejection is a
powerful fear that often has a far-reaching impact into our lives. Most people
experience some nerves when placing themselves in situations that could lead to
rejection, but for some people, the fear becomes crippling. An untreated fear
of rejection tends to worsen over time, gradually taking over virtually every
part of a sufferer’s life.
Vulnerability is scary. That’s what made the rejection hurt
so badly because you were able to drop walls with that person you weren’t able
to with others. It was real. But in doing that you learned what it was like to
admit your faults, weaknesses, and fear of judgment, which takes courage.
Through those things, you were able to experience what a relationship is about
and without those, you can’t love someone. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
with the next man. In those moments is where you find the real connections that
have value.
Low self-worth
Another reason you might not want intimacy with your
partner, might be fear of inadequacy, or feeling you are not good enough in any
way. Intimacy requires you being on the same level with your partner. And if
you can’t even accept yourself, it can feel incredibly vulnerable to expose
yourself to a partner, and run the risk of them rejecting you.
It’s important to learn to love and accept yourself. Once
you can value yourself, it’s important to remember that even if you let someone
in, and they reject or disapprove of you, it’s up to you to own the rejection.
Eleanor Roosevelt once said “no one can make you feel inferior without your
consent.”
No role model
If you grow up in a home with parents who avoided intimacy,
or you never had any positive adults who role-modeled intimacy? If you don’t
know what it looks like, you may feel awkward and uncomfortable learning how to
do it in a relationship.
If this is the case, you can learn a lot by watching others,
but getting comfortable with intimacy still requires you to do the work with a
partner. Begin with noticing when you feel awkward with a partner in an
intimate moment, and talking about the fact that you feel awkward. When you
feel yourself avoiding closeness or commitment, take that as a signal that you
need to lean in, instead of out of a relationship. It just takes vulnerability,
courage, and a willingness to go deeper.
The wonderful thing about learning not to fear intimacy is
that not only will your intimate relationships improve, but so too will your
friendships, your ability to work with colleagues, and your capacity to
actually create the life you want for yourself.
SOURCES:
https://www.psychalive.org
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