Jealousy: What it is and How to overcome it in our Relationship

A little jealousy in a romantic relationship is undoubtedly natural. Certainly each of us has felt an uncomfortable jealous twinge at some point in a relationship. We feel jealous in such moments because of our sense that a cherished connection we have with another person is threatened, and our fear that a loved one may find someone else to replace us. While most people experience jealousy on a very occasional and mild basis, others feel it to a pathological degree.

Whether you are the jealous partner or whether your spouse is the jealous one, irrational jealousy can eventually destroy your marriage.

A Jealous individuals experience a multitude of feelings including fear, anger, humiliation, sense of failure, feeling suspicious, threatened, rage, grief, worry, envy, sadness, doubt, pain, and self-pity.

Jealousy keeps us under a sense of discouraging frustration and disappointment. It makes us gloomy. It is such a depressing feeling that we cannot tell about it to even our best friends nor can we contain it within ourselves. Consequently, it leaves us with an inconvenience of a peculiar misery and if allowed to grow unchecked beyond a limit, it works like a slow poison to our healthy nature.

Why jealousy arises

v  Unrealistic expectations about marriage in general.

v  Unrealistic expectations about your relationship with your spouse.

v  A misguided sense of ownership of your spouse.

v  Hurtful experience of abandonment in the past.

v  Poor self-image.

v  Insecurity.

v  Fear of being abandoned or betrayed.

v  Fear of losing someone or something important to them.

v  Intense possessiveness.

v  A desire to control.

Some of the underlying or reactive feelings of jealousy may also be:

v  Resentment.

v  Increased lack of trust.

v  Anger.

v  Defensiveness.

v  More arguments.

v  Need for continual reassurance.

v  Depression.

v  Desire for revenge.

v  Constant questioning.

v  Physical reactions such as trembling, feeling dizzy, change in sleep patterns, and a change in eating habits.

And if all is not checked

v  End of your marriage.

People who feel secure and like themselves tend to be less jealous of others and less possessive of their partners, while those who have experienced abandonment or betrayal in their lives can become overwhelmed with jealousy ... If you feel jealous, or if your partner does, it doesn’t matter. Eventually, jealousy will erode your relationship and destroy your marriage.

Jealousy is a way to exert control in a relationship ... Getting control of your jealousy does not mean getting control of your partner, it means getting a handle on your own emotions. 

How to Overcome Jealousy

Can jealousy be overcome? The answer is yes, but with great effort. Like most other difficult emotional experiences, jealousy, if treated correctly, can be a trigger for growth. It can become the first step in increased self-awareness and greater understanding both of your mate and of the relationship.

o   Admit your jealous behavior and accept that your jealousy is hurting your marriage.

o   Discuss the roots of your or your spouse's jealous feelings.

o   Don't spy on your spouse.

o   As a jealous spouse, make a decision to change your behavior. You may need to get individual counseling.

o   Realize you can't control someone else.

o   Together, set fair ground rules that you can both live with.

o   If you are the non-jealous partner, don't lie or try to hide where you are or what you are doing.

o   Seek professional help as a couple if necessary.

Jealousy is an emotion all of us experience at some point in our lives. This is completely normal. But we need to be able to control our green monsters, so they don’t harm our relationships.