12 Ways to Win over Your Mother-In-Law

There is a general pre-conceived notion by many wives across the world that mothers-in-law are mean, wicked and wish them dead. Therefore the mother-in-law is a person that many wives wish they never had anything to do with. Many spinsters dread the thought of having a mother-in-law when they marry and very few wives have ever had anything good to say about their mothers-in-law.

 The causes of the breakdown in many marriages have been traced to the overbearing attitude of mothers-in-law and it is fast becoming a well known fact that the mother-in-law is the bane of many ailing marriages. It is in this regard that mothers-in-law are often seen and regarded by many as troublesome, poke nosing persons, antagonistic and the greatest enemy and rival of her daughter –in-law.

Any woman who may have chosen to join with her partner in holy matrimony has to face the challenge of being joined in a holy alliance with the rest of his family. By the sheer nature of the relationship, she is expected to melt into a household of folks that are often unfamiliar and at times very different from her family of origin.

A daughter-in-law can do a lot to enhance the relationship with their mother-in-law. Here are some ways in which this can be done:

1.      Never See Your Mother-In-Law As Your Rival: Actions start from thoughts and you nursing such dangerous ideas will only lead you astray. See her as who she is: your mother-in-law and the mother of your husband, and hopefully, your newest female friend. She is NOT your rival. Some ladies enter marriage with a nuclear arsenal and the mindset of ‘demolishing’ their ‘enemy’. Don’t create problems for yourself.

2.      Treat her son well: The most important thing you can do to impress your mother-in-law is to treat her son well. Every mother wants her son to have a lovely, faithful, devoted wife (just like her), so if you’re all of those things, she’ll be sure to adore you!
Most mother-in-laws are just afraid of losing their sweet little son, and want the best for them; it does not matter how far you have come in building up a relationship with your mother-in-law, you will ruin it in an instant if you mistreat your husband in any way. That means refraining from sharing the intimate details of arguments, as well as avoiding more serious issues such as cheating and lying. A mother will automatically defend her son over the wife, even if he is partly to blame.

3.      Don’t share your matrimonial problems with your parent: One of the biggest mistakes that couples can make is sharing their relationship issues with their family members. While you may not realize the harm caused by sharing all your spouse’s shortcomings with you parents, you should know that when you and your spouse make up, your family will still remember the hurt your spouse has caused you and may hold a grudge.

4.      Be Open and develop a loving relationship with her: Treat your mother-in-law the way you’d want your husband to treat your mother. Be respectful, tactful, and honest towards your mother-in-law. Whether you like her or not, she is the mother of your spouse. Treat her with respect and honesty, and she will most likely reciprocate. In tension-filled moments or anger-rousing scenarios, learn to hold your tongue. Avoid angry outbursts. Conflicts between you and your mother-in-law can be better addressed with a cool head and a mind not beclouded by spite.

5.      Never Make the Mistake: Of what? Of pointing out a mistake, flaw or error of your mother-in-law in front of your hubby. You are his wife and as a lady, there are much more subtle and canny ways to draw his attention. Do not criticize your mother-in-law. Ridicule her, you ridicule your lover, and of course, the granny of your kids.

6.      Arrange for 1-1 time with your husband: a wife must realize she's not the only woman in her husband's life – he also has a mother. One of the greatest fears that many mothers-in-law have is that their married sons will not have as much time to spend with them as they used to. Wives can help to allay these fears by actually arranging for their husband to spend time alone with their mother. They (wives) can then use that time to themselves to spend in any way they choose. The end result is usually gratitude and appreciation from the mother-in-law. She will often relax and see the wife more as a daughter and ally, rather than as the “other woman”.

7.      Discuss With Him: In a case where your duties as a wife are being encroached by an overbearing mother-in-law who will dictate what he eats or what he wears, register your displeasure with him (but relate well with her). A loving husband will come back to his senses, and a sensible hubby will not even allow such a scenario in the first place.

8.      Do Not Let Your Ego Get In The Way: Do not think twice before apologizing and making amends if you have offended her. But do not degrade yourself for something you’ve never done. Do not allow anyone to blackmail you into submission or surrender. Funnily enough, she may find it difficult to apologize to you because of many reasons. Do not take that to heart. It is the pride of a mother-in-law.

9.      Ask for her advice: The stereotypical mother-in-law will dish out minute advice about issues as how to raise kids, treat your spouse and housekeeping properly. She will also watch as her daughter-in-law cooks and say that the meat is too tough, rare or just not right. The vegetables are too soggy and the stew is too salty. The list goes on.
One thing that a daughter-in-law can do is try to develop a thick skin and not take these assaults personally. They are not the same as insults, but they can easily feel like assaults against everything she knows she can do. She can also nod and smile sweetly as she actually asks for advice.

10.  Let Her Mingle With Her Grandchildren Freely: Studies have shown that mother-in-laws actually see your own kids as 100% theirs! If she wants to pamper them to high heavens and take them out and have them to herself all day long at the beach, just let them go. You will even have the whole house to yourself and your husband! And what can be better than that?

11.  Keep your house tidy: Even if your mother-in-law is a complete slob when it comes to her own housekeeping, she’ll never forgive you if your house is anything less than tidy. Hopefully, she won’t be the type to run a white-gloved finger along your table to look for dust…. but when you know she’s coming, make sure your house is neat and clean, no matter how much you hate housekeeping.

12.  Pray pray and pray: At the end of the day, after you have tried your very best to avoid conflict to your in-laws and things seem to get worse and not get better, the most important thing is to commit it all to God. Only God can touch people’s hearts and change them for the better.