Sleeping In Separate Rooms The ups and Downs for Couples

It was past 1 am in the  morning when the call came in, and Malik with his poor health learnt that he has lost all he had labored for in one simple deal that just went bad. Where was he going to start from as he had mortgaged all he had to fund His latest deal! He started struggle to breath as he found out he had difficulties with his breathing. Aisha his wife was not nearby as they share separate rooms and nobody close by to offer him first Aid or quickly rush him to the hospital.

Aisha found her loving husband dead in the morning when she went in to wake him up for prayers. She let out a pierce scream, due to tradition and culture she and her husband sleep in separate rooms, there was no way for her to have known when her husband was In danger and needed her assistance.

 Cultural recommendations, religious affiliations and individual preferences come to play when a couple decides on whether they will use same or separate beds. As cozy as it may be, there are also some disadvantages that come with this practice, even though the advantages are more. These are views from both sides of the issue:

1.       Pillow Talk – For many couples, those minutes before nodding off are the most they’ll have together in a day says Bummi. It gives them a chance to talk about the day’s events, share feelings and concerns, and solve problems together. Take away that pre-sleep chat and some couples would hardly converse for days at a time.

2.       Intimacy – According to his research with couples, the shared bed is crucial to the health of the relationship. Beyond the chance to talk, the physical closeness it promotes is a great source of comfort for many. The cuddling, spooning and warmth of being close to another are soothing in ways we may not even recognize. It increases feelings of intimacy with your spouse, and for women it enhances a sense of physical safety and security. Obviously, physical closeness increases the opportunity for sexual interaction.

3.        It’s good for the Heart-The researchers from the University of Pittsburgh, United States, found that sleeping on the same bed with someone you love has a protective effect by lowering the levels of the stress hormone, cortisol, and boosts the level of the love hormone, oxytocin, which has been found to induce bonding feelings and a healthy heart.

4.       Women feel more Safe and Secure-The women we studied reported more enjoyable and refreshing sleep when sharing a bed compared to the men, possibly because the women feel more secure and supported, unlike sleeping alone that has been shown to elevate levels of the stress hormone cortiso.

Abike, who has been married for over 5years opted that she and her husband maintain different room. Its best she said as both of them have different sleeping pattern. These are some of her reasons why sleeping in separate beds are advisable.

1.       Snoring-The glow and passion of first meeting now receded; I got tired of waking him up in the middle of the night. Akin’s snoring was unbearable for Abike and ear plugs were not working much for her.  Both partners’ sleeping patterns were shattered. “We were exhausted, and I was effects of sleep deprivation, separate bedrooms allow them to be more well rested, which then so upset and wondered what I would do,” says Abike. “When I started telling people about it, they asked, ‘How will your relationship survive without sleeping together?’” But am now happy and restful in my own rooms.

2.       Disruptive sleep habits- This have affected the quality of couples relationship. Due to restless leg movement, blanket stealing while sleeping or unconsciously pushing your partner to the edge of the bed, many couples have found that rather than suffer through they need to sleep on different beds so that they can be more rested and productive during the day.

3.       Privacy- Akin loves his time alone in his room. He sometimes wants time alone to wake up in the night to think without disturbing his Wife. Having a private bedroom ensures that a person will always have her own space to retreat to, and frees her from the constraints of constant togetherness.

4.       Children-Some couples decide of separate rooms because of the kids. As they grow up the kids would sometimes want to sleep in their parent room either because of a nightmare or just to have either of their parent close by. In some case when the woman has a newborn baby, the husband would like his space to be able to sleep at night or allow his wife to have more time to better take care of the baby.

5.       Akin always complain about Abike’s taking all the space in their room filling it with her cloths, shoe, bags, makeup and other accessories. He augured that its better for both of them to have their individual space to store their individual clothing and other personal items.

Obsessing about sleeping together reflects how we tend to have a very limited view of what a healthy marriage should look like. In reality, people should do whatever works for them, whether it’s sleeping in separate beds or even taking separate vacations. I know couples who share a bed, but maintain separate sheets and duvets to forestall fights over the blanket. If sleeping apart at night makes you a better partner during the day, then it’s probably a worthwhile trade-off. As for my partner and I, we’re going to stick it out for a while, but we’re at least on the hunt for a bigger bed.