10 Tips on how to get your life back after being dumped

Remi has always heard the sad tales from her friends about the emotional pain they go through anytime any one of them gets dumped by their partner. She never thought it could happen to her. Why? She thought that she was in a perfect and solid relationship with her partner. Little did she know she was also up in line for the same sad story? When it happened to her, she felt she was lost in life, she felt empty and hollow and nothing could stop her crying for the loss of what she thought was a perfect friendship.

Getting dump is not a pleasant thing, most of us have been dumped a time or two in our lives. Whether it comes as a surprise or you have been anticipating it, getting dumped is rarely pleasant. While for some people it might come as a relief, or be part of an amicable separation; for most the shock and distress that comes from rejection can be difficult to cope with.

Common reaction after been dumped:

With breakup usually comes with both the physical and emotional response:

Physical response

This includes: nausea and/or vomiting, loss of appetite or overeating, crying, sleep disturbance, problems with concentration.

Emotional response

Includes: feelings of rage, grief, loss, powerlessness, shame, anxiety, panic, or depression, mood swings (from hopeful to despairing); and conflicting feelings (wanting your ex back, wanting to hurt them).

Here are some tips about getting on with your life after being dumped:

1.       Embrace the pain

Studies have shown that the brain copes with rejection similarly to physical pain. Most may be tempted to numb the pain with drugs and alcohol or jump immediately into another relationship to avoid their feelings. Rather than doing this, allow yourself to feel the emotions in their entirety, whatever they may be.

It is natural to grieve after any loss. Even if you avoid the pain initially, eventually you have to face it to heal. By embracing the pain, you’ll find it easier to obtain the closure you seek and move on with your life.

2.       Seek support of friends and family

Spend more time with your friends. When you lose one bond, the best way to cope is to move to the bonds you are already connected with. This is especially true if you used to talk to your ex every day, all day. When you strengthen already existing relationships, you begin replacing your ex, and taking steps to forget about them and move on.

3.       Forgiveness

Realize that you both screwed at different points in time during your relationship. Holding on to any grudges or resentment for your former partner will only prevent you from moving on with your life. Offer yourself a pardon by being willing to let go of the past and forgive your ex for any ways you feel you were wronged.

Likewise, forgive yourself for any mistakes you may have made in the relationship. Hold yourself in a state of compassion, and be willing to learn from the past so you can make better choices in the future.

4.       Maintain self esteem

When the person with whom you were most vulnerable breaks your heart, its easy feeling inadequate and worthless, even if you have a laundry list of reasons why you should feel good about other areas of your life.

When it comes to love, our rational mind isn't running the show. Instead, breakups make us think like this: the person who knew me best and loved me most now thinks I'm a piece of garbage, so it must be true.

5.       Keep yourself occupied

Here’s the best part about breaking up with someone you now have a lot more time. Whether its going to the gym, learning a language, reading a book, or just binge watching a TV series you’ve been needing to watch you now have the time to do it. While I told you the first step to coping after a breakup is to feel hurt, after a while the best way to move on with your life is to frankly, have a life.

6.       Throw Out the Mementos

It’s tough to get rid of old love letters, photos, and other mementos, but choosing to keep them only encourages you to hang on to the past.

There is nothing wrong with keeping your memories, but choose to do so in a way that isn’t destructive. Consider taking down the old photos and keeping the mementos out of sight in a keepsake box or other non-visible location.

7.       Respect yourself

Acknowledge that it is sad, disappointing and painful when someone stops caring about you intimately after a close relationship. But you cannot change the person or change their mind. Remember that you are not the lesson he needs to learn; he has already made up his mind and trying to make him "see reason" is not your role. Ditch any thoughts of revenge or proving yourself irresistible; you will only confirm his decision.

8.       Being single

Apart of finding new goals and hobbies and meeting new people is the excitement of being single. Being single gives you the opportunity to experiment, make mistakes, date the wrong guy—so you know who the best guy (or gal!) is. It’s also the best time to work on yourself without having to worry about the person you are with. When you’re in a long term relationship with someone who you want to marry, it becomes about the both of you. You’ve already found them, settled into a pattern that you both enjoy, and are now just living life as a pair together. But as much as it hurts to not have that familiarity, embrace the unfamiliar and learn to have fun on your own without worrying about who you’re going to be with.

9.       Be grateful

Breakups are sometimes blessings in disguise, it may be tough to choke down in the minutes following a breakup, but it really is true not a single one of us wants to waste our time with someone that just doesn’t want to be with us. Letting us go and giving us an opportunity to meet someone who truly loves, cherishes, and wants to be with us is the biggest solid an ex can do us. One of the most difficult realities of being dumped is the feeling that your emotional health and circumstances are completely out of your control, one person decides that the relationship is over, and according to law, it must be so. But the truth is, you’re not out of control. You may not have had dominion over when the relationship ended, but you have dominion over yourself , and that’s the greatest power any of us can hope for. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, they’re just not worthy of you. Be grateful that an unworthy suitor has let you off the hook, and move on toward greener pastures.

10.   Give it a break for a while

Don't go running after him and asking questions or give him a big hug. Just stick to the smiles and waves for now. Spend time with your friends, hobbies and family. Make some goals for your future. If it gets really bad, go for a trip somewhere to get fresh perspective. In time, you will heal and you'll be ready to look for someone who is ready to commit and leave the lame excuses behind.