Coping with Single Parenting

Monisola got married at an early age of 19 years, with a lot of hopes and aspiration about growing old with her partner and both of them taking care of their children. But alas, 7 years into her marriage and with 3 kids, her perfect world was shattered with the death of her husband and she found herself alone and had to take care of herself and her kids. Over night she became a single mum.

Being a single parent can always be as a result of a lot of scenarios either as a result of being a widowed, divorced, separated, unplanned pregnancies or he/she just wants to have a kid without the hassles of having a partner. Whichever the case may be, being a single parent is not always an easy.

Sadly, single parenting is fast increasing everywhere in the world.

In US alone over 80% of Black children are leaving with their single parent, and globally it has been estimated that one forth to one third of children are being raised by single parent.

Challenges of Being a Single Parent.

-          As a single parent, you may find that you are dealing with a lot of different emotions, such as anger, fear, sadness, frustration, shock, regret, self-pity, bitterness or loneliness.

-          It is sometimes hard to find support for your children singlehandedly. If the single parenting is as a result of a bitter divorce or unwanted pregnancy. The other parent may abandon all his responsibility in the upbringing of the child.

-          Some parent might be faced with stigmatization from the society. The society believes it’s always the woman’s fault in the case of divorce and that she’s not patient enough or they may think the single dad is irresponsible or hard to live with if he happens to be left with the kids to take care of alone.

-          It is also harder on the man if he is the one in custody of the kids instead of the woman. He may find it more difficult understanding the needs of his children or communicating with them unlike their mother.

Coping with the Challenges of being a Single Parent

1.       Develop a positive mental attitude: Come to terms with your situation. Never blame yourself, the other parent or your children. It’s very easy to feel upset or angry at your situation. Especially after a broken relationship. Always remember he or she has given you that which you love best, your child or children.

2.       Setup a Support System: All single parents need help, whether it's someone to watch the kids while you run out to do errands or simply someone to talk to when you feel overwhelmed. While it's tempting to try to handle everything alone, ask friends and family members for help. You could join a single parent support group, or, if finances allow, hire a trusted sitter to help out with the kids or someone to assist with housework.

3.       Take care of Your Health: Value your own health and well-being as much as you do your child’s. Your eating well, sleeping, exercising, and being emotionally healthy are some of the best investments you can make in your child's future. Remember if something happened to you, and you weren’t able to care for him/her, he/she would be in a tough situation.

4.       Money Management: Being a single parent means you are financially responsible for your child. Some children’s fathers if they are still alive may pitch in. But we know in our society, men are not obligated or even if they are obligated by law, child support payments are not enforced. So you could find yourself having to shoulder all the responsibility. You have to be resourceful. Make sure you watch what you spend and how you spend.

5.       Spend some Quality Time with your Children: Even though the piles of laundry and dirty dishes may beckon, set aside time each day to enjoy your kids. (After all, isn't that what parenting is all about?) Spend quiet time playing, reading, going for a walk, or simply listening to music together. And most important, focus on the love between you and on your relationship as a family.

6.       Hold on to your Dreams: You matter. Your children may be the center of your universe, but it doesn't mean that you have to disappear to give them everything they need. As a single parent, you are modeling to your child how to be an individual in this world. While you may make sacrifices for your child, it's important to still hold on to the things that delight you, inspire you, and make you who you are. Make time for hobbies. Spend money on yourself, not just your kids. And don't give up on the big dreams, either, of a career that was stalled to raise your kids, or a vacation or lifestyle you've always wanted. You can raise your child and pursue your dreams at the same time.

7.       There is no Shame in being a Single parent: Single parenting through divorce, separation or childbirth out of wedlock, no longer have the stigma that it used to have in Nigeria. If you are a single parent out of wedlock or through divorce or separation, you should be prepared for any number of uncomfortable situations or disapproving comments from strangers, co-workers and even family members. There is no shame in being a single parent. So focus on the fact that you are lucky to have been blessed with a child. Surround yourself with people who can support you and help boost your confidence. If you are worried that your child does not have any male role models reach out to male family, friends or even neighbors who can be involved in your child’s life. While single parenting is hard work, you should note that it will be all worth it in the end.

Source: huffington post & mamaletter