20 Signs of Emotional Abuse

Domestic violence and abuse can happen to anyone, yet the problem is often overlooked, excused, or denied. This is especially true when the abuse is psychological (Emotional), rather than physical. Noticing and acknowledging the signs of an abusive relationship is the first step to ending it. No one should live in fear of the person they love.

Emotional abuse, while it leaves no marks, can sometimes be the hardest type of abuse to understand in a relationship. It's hard to imagine that someone who "loves you" could abuse you  and besides, it's just words, right? It's not like you're being BEATEN. Nothing is more damaging to your confidence and self-esteem than being in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Sad truth is, while broken bones heal, the wounds left from emotional abuse can last a lifetime. Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a partner uses verbal assault, fear, or humiliation to undermine the other person's self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional abuse is every bit as damaging as physical abuse.

The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence. If you’re the victim of emotional abuse, you may feel that there is no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner you have nothing.

Male and female abusers tend to have high rates of personality disorders including borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, and antisocial personality disorder. Although emotional abuse doesn’t always lead to physical abuse, physical abuse is almost always preceded and accompanied by emotional abuse.

The victim of the abuse quite often doesn’t see the mistreatment as abusive. They develop coping mechanisms of denial and minimizing in order to deal with the stress. But the effects of long-term emotional abuse can cause severe emotional trauma in the victim, including depression, anxiety, and post traumatic stress disorder.

Here are 20 signs of Emotional Abuse:- 

1. They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front of other people.

2.  They regularly demand or disregard your opinions, ideas, suggestions, or needs.

3. They use sarcasm or “teasing” to put you down or make you feel bad about yourself. 

4.  They accuse you of being “too sensitive” in order to deflect their abusive remarks.

5.  They try to control you and treat you like a child.

6.  They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.

7.  They try to control the finances and how you spend money.

8.  They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.

9.  They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.

10. They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.

11. They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.

12. They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to frighten or control you.

13. They withhold sex as a way to manipulate and control.

14. They disengage or use neglect or abandonment to punish or frighten you.

15. They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.

16. They have extra marital affairs and blame it on you.

17. Threatening to commit suicide if you leave them.

18. They make you believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated.

19. They resort to pouting or withdrawal to get attention or attain what they want.

20. They don’t show you empathy or compassion.

It is important to remember  that it is absolutely not your fault. Abusers are expert manipulators with a knack for getting you to believe that the way you are being treated is your fault. These people know that everyone has insecurities, and they use those insecurities against you. Abusers can convince you that you do not deserve better treatment or that they are treating you this way to "help" you. Some abusers even act quite charming and nice in public so that others have a good impression of them. In private is a different story, which is also quite baffling.

If you see yourself in these words, know that there is little hope for your relationship to improve. It would take a monumental amount of insight and motivation for the abuser to change and unfortunately, this is rarely the case. If you are in an abusive relationship, I urge you to get out and with professional help if needed. Often the first step in leaving the abuser is obtaining counseling just to rebuild your esteem so that you can leave.